Detective Speed Dating

If there’s something strange in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? A detective, sure, but which one? There is a plethora of literary detectives out there willing to take up your case, but only one is the right individual to help you locate your missing keys that you’ve mistakenly placed in the refrigerator yet again (oops, spoiler).

Lord Peter Wimsey

He is complex. He is charming. He is delightfully witty. He is Lord Peter Wimsey, and he could not care less if you choose him or not for your case. However, he will leave you with a lasting impression of the unconventionally attractive man who won your spar of wits and charmed you with the knowledge that he happens to be a lover of rare books. If you find yourself wanting to delve into the field of gold-digging (if the title did not give it away) the man is also an aristocrat. He has both the funds and the powers of deduction to effectively solve your case and do it in style.

Sam Spade 

If you are into the kind of detective that will remain silent and unflinching despite your best attempts at alleviating the situation with unwarranted attempts at flirting and eyelash batting, Spade’s the one for you. Not only will he resolutely solve the case you present him, but he will also make you fall in love with him with his emotionally distant prowess. Then, once you are all loved up and pining after the man, he will solve the case and send you off to jail. Do not fret, it is how he treats all his dalliances. However, rest easy, I am sure you were different from the rest.

Albert Campion

He is a detective that has secrets, some of which even he does not know. He spent some years overseas ‘on a mission so secret that even I never discovered what it was.’ The mystery will be well and truly alive if you chose him as your detective. He may give off a first impression of being a rich, silly ass, but first impressions are not always correct. Campion is the kind of detective that deserves a second chance because his easy-going nature is alarmingly addictive. Not to mention, he exudes an affinity for ingenuity and massive intellect. He will develop concussive amnesia for a spell, but his forgetfulness can be rather charming. Nonetheless, amnesia or not, he is a brilliant detective with magic-tricks to match. You would be remiss to pass him by.

Miss Marple

Maybe you are the type that prefers your detective to be a fashion icon that puts every other detective to shame with her prim clothes, always unfailingly complimented by a dashing hat. Miss Marple is the perfect little old lady to spice up your venture into crime. Better yet, she’s utterly perfect if you are a fan of a cynic who will let you know of everything her keen mind has observed – the good, the bad, and the unfortunately ugly alike. She is unfazed and completely set it in her ways, so if you are looking for a detective you do not have to put in the work to change, Miss Marple is the detective for you.

Sherlock Holmes

Every moment of your time with this brilliant man will be a game to him. He could not care less about you, that is, unless you happen to be a doctor with a tendency to write down Holmes’ adventures. But maybe you are into the kind of detective that will insult your intelligence while also doggedly solving whatever puzzle you place before him. Though he may be a tad arrogant and aloof, are those not the trademark characteristics of the tall, dark, and handsome man people find so attractive? Healthy relationships can be a thing of the past when you set out on a mystery with this beak-nosed detective.

Thomas Littlejohn

Littlejohn is the total package. He is the type of detective that knows how to crack a joke, has the trademark intelligence of all great detectives, and is even able to exercise a certain level of compassion (something a great many detectives find difficult). Also, stick with him, and you will be sure to find yourself in world of a scandal and intrigue. Littlejohn as your detective means life will never be boring. He is a worldly detective who meets tons of people wherever he goes — murderers and friend alike.

Hercule Poirot

A moustachioed man to end all other moustachioed men. His perfectly primped moustache will either have you falling for his endearing quirk or begging him to shave off the beast that he constantly adjusts and perfects. Either way, Poirot’s sharp intelligence and unwavering scrupulousness will have your case solved in no time. He knows that he is great at what he does and will not hesitate to let you know that he is probably the best in the business. A true short king, Poirot and his egg-shaped head will be able to sport anything in your life that seems suspicious. Therefore, if you have anything you would like to keep from him before you take him on as your detective, best give up now. There’s no hiding from Poirot. He and his moustache see everything, including that bag of crisps you keep in your nightstand for impromptu midnight snacks.


As always, thank you for reading and be sure to tweet us @AgoraBooksLDN with your favourite detectives!